I would like to set the tone for my blog by calling out the fact that all this wonderful social media that everyone is so plugged into is chipping away at my generations ability to communicate verbally in a way that is even mildly coherent. I have become so accustomed to manipulating my normal thought process to fit into a text message, tweet, status update, or video review on YouTube that I panic if I need to verbally articulate an idea that can't be summarized in 140 characters.
This fact became painfully clear the other day as I attempted to explain to my boss what my thinking was behind a client deliverable I created.
Before I begin my short story, I must say my boss is a little intimidating so naturally I get a little nervous trying to make a case for my thought process when I feel like a big dumb ass talking to him. To give you an idea of the disparity in intellect that exists between myself and my boss I would compare us old school professional wrestlers. My boss would be Hulk Hogan - top of the game, a ton of respect, and the arena gets silent when he speaks. I on the other hand would be a drunk midget banging on the door outside of the arena in a hot pink leotard I purchased from value village, trying to convince the doorman to let me in so I could try out for a spot in the WWF. 'Nuf said.
So as I mentioned before my job for the morning is to explain to my boss how I created a business model we would be passing on to the client, why I made it the way I did, and what the take aways are from it. To tell you the truth, I was feeling pretty confident. I had worked for a solid day and a half on the model and felt like I had a pretty good grasp of what was expected. I went through my mental exercises I learned from an article about the '7 things to boost confidence' I read online. I have been reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and felt a little inspired. In short, I felt like the midget outside the arena banging on the door drank a red bull, kicked the door man in the nuts and was sprinting towards the arena in one glorious streak of hot pink ridiculousness where Hulk Hogan was waiting. Game on.
As I began telling my story I immediately began stammering, my face got hot, and I could sense his posture shift from one that conveyed interest to irritation. As I instinctively began to disassociate mentally to numb the humiliation it felt as if I was no longer speaking, but standing beside myself listening to a jumbled monologue that was my explaination of a day and a half of work come to fruition. Now that I had been focusing more on how crappy I was doing instead of what the point I was was trying to make, I thought it might help to touch his computer screen and show him what I was talking about. I began listlessly dragging my finger on his computer screen as I attempted to walk him through the excel model on his computer when I realized that grease from thecheeseburger I had for lunch was getting everywhere. He let it slide.
As the pressure began to mount and I had been rambling for a good 5 minutes confusing even myself, my boss looked me square in the eye, masterfully hiding the frustration that must have screaming inside him said, "I don't understand the words you are using"
He doesn't understand the words I'm using? I suddenly became very aware that the last five minutes I was some sort of trance and I couldn't even tell you what I said if I tried. It's as if I blacked out. It felt as if God attempted to execute Divine intervention and accidentally hit the button labeled 'Speak in tongues' instead of 'Clearly Articulate'.
Wonderful.
Essentially the Red Bull proved to be a little much for the inspired midget sprinting towards the ring and he crapped himself and fell into a garbage bin in a heap of shame.
While I guess I could blame my failure on my own lack of focus, inadequacy, or nerves I choose the the low road. The path MOST taken. I choose to blame an entity that cannot be held accountable and thus cannot fight back - social media. I like to think that if I was handwriting thoughtful letters to friends rather than forwarding the latest dirty joke on my blackberry I might have come out of that exchange with my boss victorious.
